I am so confused

Every generation has to deal with change. Life, society, laws. perceptions.. life evolves like that and we adapt! We get over old stereo types and a 75 year old who used to gay bash, now has an openly gay friend who takes care of him. That is life.

Life.. we only live it once. (Well depending on your religion) But really, who are we and who are you in the fabric of things? Just asking, are you all about you and your own time in your life, are you about the health of the planet for future generations, are you just trying to survive?

I am CONFUSED!

Who am I?

Who am I and what really matters.

The survival of the planet…. I will pick up on this post. Living in Ecuador, as living in North America is not financially feasible, I have a different out look. I love this country, my life yet I feel I should be doing more to assist in the planets’s continued existence. But I am getting old, the fight is going out of me. I feel myself getting lost between outright hostility and forgiveness for the ignorant. I am confused.

Stay tuned

Nothing’s going to hurt you baby

Nothing’s going to hurt you baby

A fairy tale we tell our daughters and pray that they never endure the pains of their gender, the horrific tales whispered about family members, aunts, cousins, siblings, best friends……….their Mother, Grandmother, Great-Grandmother……………

I’ve taken a step back for a few days as I analyse not only my own feelings but those of America, the World.. Watching the Senate hearings, watching the talking heads in media, listening to the voices of many women like myself…silently and not so silently screaming.

I began this blog thinking I would describe the “events” around my own youthful rape by an older male, and why I said nothing. But I have come to realise that it really does not matter; the how, when and why. As my wise Mother has always said, people believe what they want, and there is nothing you can say or prove that will change their . minds.

I have always had issue with that, and it has formed me as a person. In life, work, social settings; if I did not have provable  facts to back up a statement, I usually did not comment.  But  I would gladly challenge those who yap off the top of their heads with no basis of their own rants, to show me proof. (Did not make me a popular gal)

Question.. Is this a double standard on my part?

My partner asked me, “To what degree do you believe Dr Ford’s testimony and why?”

My response was simple to give. “100%, because she relayed an event that happened to her. AUGHH ….says I silently to myself, my  recollections of my rape are similar, I recall the song on the radio, the smell of his aftershave, my fight response, how I got there..to be in his car with a knife at my throat , the fly that buzzed around the blood that trickled down my throat where he nicked me. I do not recall the rape/sex whatever you want to term it as. I do not remember where he dropped me off after, or what I did who I spoke with or didn’t…………”

“YES, that is why I believe Dr. Ford.” My partner then asked me how it would make me feel if he stated he was only 97% sure he (Kavanaugh) was guilty.

I replied, you are a man who has never experienced something like this, I would be suspect if you said 100%.

 

This is an open blog, a place to open up an unload, either Loudly, or as silently as you wish…….All emails and comments will only be posted if you express the want to share.

This comment made by the President of the United States bothered me on so many levels, I have decided to open this blog to the public.drump

I was a Silent -Girl, although I have met just as many a Silent-Boy. Victims of rape, assault, abuse and then made victims again when trying to be heard.

I was raped at the age of 15, and in this blog I will explain why I stayed silent.My story is not uncommon, nor is it particularly earth shattering. But it did define me in ways I barely recognised until many years later.

It has been 45 years, and keeping silent has done me no favors, speaking out…? Time will tell if this blog helps you and I find a place to break the silence and maybe change some attitudes.

 

The Journey Begins (9/22/2018) - Thanks for joining me! Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton  
This is an open blog, a place to open up an unload, either Loudly, or as silently as you wish…….All emails and comments will only be posted if you express the want to share. (9/23/2018) - This comment made by the President of the United States bothered me on so many levels, I have decided to open this blog to the public. I was a Silent -Girl, although I have met just as many a Silent-Boy. Victims of rape, assault, abuse and then made victims again when trying to be heard. … Continue reading This is an open blog, a place to open up an unload, either Loudly, or as silently as you wish…….All emails and comments will only be posted if you express the want to share.
Where to start? (9/26/2018) - At 60, I’m not sure if this blog is better served by telling my life stories from front to back or in reverse. I suppose  it truly makes no difference, all is relevant yet all is…just a grain of sand. Today as I watch the media yet again take sides on assault cases, it brings … Continue reading Where to start?
See no evil………….. (9/26/2018) - My partner and I have been discussing this of late. The culture of not believing the victim and/or making excuses for the accused. I find it so unfathomable, as I can honestly say that I know very few women who at some point in their life have not been brutalized in some way or another. … Continue reading See no evil…………..
Nothing’s going to hurt you baby (9/26/2018) - Nothing’s going to hurt you baby A fairy tale we tell our daughters and pray that they never endure the pains of their gender, the horrific tales whispered about family members, aunts, cousins, siblings, best friends……….their Mother, Grandmother, Great-Grandmother…………… I’ve taken a step back for a few days as I analyse not only my own … Continue reading Nothing’s going to hurt you baby
Thank-you, I appreciate those who took the time to write. (At least now I know this site is active!) (10/3/2018) - I will always hold your confidence and never “leak”; (I’m old but not that old, no depends needed as yet..LOL) October 3rd 2018 So much has happened over the past few years. My life has changed dramatically but so has the world. I find myself discussing the media and the peoples of the US more … Continue reading Thank-you, I appreciate those who took the time to write. (At least now I know this site is active!)
Why America isn’t great anymore (10/5/2018) - I truly feel this is one of the best pieces ever written,and no it wasn’t by a politician, just a man with a job. His name is; Aaron Benjamin Sorkin (born June 9, 1961)[1]is an American screenwriter, director, producer, and playwright. His works include the Broadway plays A Few Good Men and The Farnsworth Invention; the television series Sports Night, The … Continue reading Why America isn’t great anymore
Time to do a little research and a lot of reading! (10/8/2018) - “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.” That was Margaret Mead’s conclusion after a lifetime of observing very diverse cultures around the world. Her insight has been borne out time and again throughout the development of this country of ours. … Continue reading Time to do a little research and a lot of reading!
Ask me how I really feel! (10/9/2018) - “Disgusted but not surprised.” The fact that the Senate Judiciary would back this half-hearted and extremely limited FBI investigation, just proves that Kavanaugh would have been elected under any circumstances. noun  INVESTIGATION the action of investigating something or someone; formal or systematic examination or research. “He is under investigation for attempted assault.” What we should have seen from one … Continue reading Ask me how I really feel!
“You need help” (10/10/2018) - I was born in 1958, therapy was part of our culture. But I never sought out help until I was 30, I was raised to deal with my own shit no matter what, you never share! I went at 30 years old to meet with my first professional psychiatrist. Trust me, I could have used … Continue reading “You need help”

PTSD and ……

P.T.S.D.

I found myself babbling on a meme about PTSD posted by a friend. It got me to thinking of the first time my adult self recognised the symptoms in me.

It was maybe 8 months or so after 9/11. And I woke…really woke up to find colors were brighter, birds singing off my porch brought me joy and  my head was not in the fog that had enveloped a unknowing me for months. Life didn’t seem so hard, dark and I just FELT. I recall that I cried, my dog rubbing up against me and I just cried. It took a bit for me to realise that I was just coming out of the shock of 9/11.

I had been getting ready for work that day, drinking coffee, putting on my makeup, planning my day and the weekend ahead, watching a NY Morning show….I stayed home that day and watched it all, from the first to…the retaliation of bombings happening a world away.

Even though I was running a seafood company on Vancouver Island, BC, Canada; everything that happened that day affected the next several months of my life, my company and my future.

They were dark days.  I won’t bore you with the details, for everyone has their own tale.

What I vividly recall was coming out of the fog. It is possible that I am confusing labels such as Shock, PTSD and Trauma/Stress? Or are they possibly all the same just being given different psycho babble handles?

I am; have become a stronger person over the years. Mainly due to the fact that I was responsible for bringing a life into this world; I was responsible for staying strong, providing for,  keeping myself sane and a role model for my child. (Not saying that I was perfect..lol , far from it) But she kept me grounded and I love her so very much….I had no choice but to survive…the reality of ME.

Getting back to the meme that got me writing this. It was about US Vets and PTSD and how we should all speak out and help. For that I do agree; never been to war, don’t want to. But I can’t imagine what the human brain brings back from leaving North America to ending up in a country on the other side of the world so unlike your own. Bringing back memories of…OMG  I truly can’t imagine, for each person brings back and lives with…………….

War..War, huh, yeah

What is it good for

Absolutely nothing

War, huh, yeah

What is it good for

Absolutely nothing

Say it again, why’all

                                Edwin Star

                                         https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ztZI2aLQ9Sw

OK…. This is where.. If you are reading this… you’ll either stop and think or troll the hell out of me.

But really what are wars fought over? Religion?Oil? Gold? Greed? Politics? How many are really truly a defensive move to defend your own country? Well let’s put it like this… You have all watched enough movies, maybe even studied history… so, if not to defend your home and family from an invasion. How many wars, how many lives, soldiers and civilian lives have been lost due to….GREED?

Think about that for a moment. Take a war.. any war in history  and question.. why it happened, who it benefitted and who died! You will find if you read and dig deep enough that most wars caused many more deaths to civilians and young men, who died.. not for the betterment of their family and own lives.. But for some other cause then the bill of goods they were fed.

To defend our Country and our Country’s Interests. The later usually stands for a few rich S.O.B.’s (Corporations and their stock values) Oil or other interests on foreign soil. Let me put it another way…..why on God’s green earth should one North American Family send their children to fight a war over oil, when there is enough oil in North America to not only service this area but sell a surplus?

Maybe I am missing part of the puzzle, if we had minded our own business and kept the hell out of other nations growth and organic change….. But we couldn’t, wouldn’t because to do that would not gain unimaginable sales in weapons of war, would not make us look superior, and would hurt?????? Hurt who, do most North Americans know the stories of North and South Korea, Vietnam, Iraq & Iran, Syria and Yemen?

So with the unimaginable war budget, this country can not, will not assist the men who fought it’s battles.  So, again I say…. why should you?

But back to PTSD or what ever label the head shrinks want to use. Trauma  is what it is, does not matter if the body heals, the mind, the soul, the brain remembers. You have to learn to deal with this, alone, with help or last resort with drugs. The later, even prescribed I am against, although self medication has been my personal  unsuccessful choice.

Keeping silent….. does not work. So scream, write, post, talk, but get it out and deal.

I’m here if you need to talk

 

Where do we go now?

Myself, like thousands, possibly hundred of thousands of victims have come forward, retelling horrid cases of abuse. Not only by their abusers but of the society that supports them by truly not wanting to deal with the issues.

Tell me where do we go for justice? And maybe not even justice but acceptance by our own friends,family, communities for having the strength to retell what was a horrid part of our lives, in order that someone else does not have to live through the same? How do we become whole again? If we have no support ….tell me why come forward and do the right thing?  WE  who deserve not only an ear and  empathy but the support of our judicial system and community, without that …where do we go? Why is this world still in this day and age supporting silence over justice?

W-O-M-A-N  We make up about half of the planet. Only woman produce the human population, without them.. we do not exist. The same would be said about men, but does that still make us chattel?

I’m truly at a cross roads.

I believe in justice, but when justice is bought , paid for, ignorant and blind, I will admit I believe in the old justice.

W.P. Kinsella wrote a story I have never forgotten, he got me first with FENCE POST CHRONICLES but ” Dance me outside“, is a story about the rape and murder of a First Nations Girl on an Alberta Reserve. How the white man got a minimal sentence and how vengeance by her sisters was …final.

This story is close to my heart and my history.

And I feel nothing for what happened to the man who raped me as a young girl; nothing  nothing at all. But I am talking about it tonight…soo…

For that, I am not sure how it has affected me as a person over the years, that justice/vengeance unable to be dealt with by an unfair court system could be dealt by persons who wanted to stop a serial rapist.

Three quarters of my life on this earth later… and I still have no answer on this. But the fact I truly feel nothing for this mans justice brought by others in a community who identified & recognised a serial rapist and dealt with him……

I should feel something

But I do not

regret

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why people do not come forward. or to quote Dean Winchester, “Gotta love the internet where everyone can be a dick”

 

OK, for those of you who know who Dean is, I probably just lost some cred…But in my defense, I’m in Ecuador and made it through Halloween and the Day of the Dead! My partner is having a small breakdown, waking from dreams of torturing the White House Administration Staff and almost all powers that be. …Don’t worry, my guy is a gentle soul but dealing with issues of utter frustration at the fact he can’t admit he loves and hates his country at the same time.

Me, I’m also coming down off my own melt down, the Kavanaugh hearings, the #metoo movement, and my own frustrations with feeling hopeless in gaining any ground for change.

For those of you who are old enough, remember when; Victims who came forward were now the ones on trial, then that changed and it became the women’s fault as they “Didn’t follow through on charges against, boyfriends, dates, husbands…” I remember

In 2005 I was living with the man of my dreams. A contractor I met when I was doing touch up’s on my West Coast Island home before I put it on the market. He had issues, that I found out about as we got to know each other. A child of incest, the only son with sisters who also endured a drunken fathers atrocities. At 13, he shot his father to save the girls from another night of torment. Although his father did not die, the story was now public and the Mother and girls got help. The Boy/child was shunned, for bringing this to light, the Social Service and courts gave this young man… nothing…….

30 years later, I should have seen the signs, but I was in love. I sold my house and we left the island together, off to find a new adventure. We were heading to Alaska but got waylaid in a northern port town. It was amazing and beautiful, and with every day we fell deeper in love. The day he snapped and tried to kill us both, was maybe the happiest day I had ever spent with him. He took me to a side of a mountain and stopped the truck, came around and carried me to the side of the road, laughing telling me to keep my eyes closed.

He kissed me and told me to open my eyes. Down below us lay a valley, the evening sun was  catching the tops of the fire weed that blanketed the basin. A creek, wide and blue stretched and yawned it’s banks giving way to a herd of elk. A flock of snow geese soared in, squawking joyfully as they landed on a small pond at the east side of the expanse. I could feel the love of this man emanating through his strong arms as he held me tight. He asked me to marry him, said he had put in an offer for the valley and there we would build a home for our grandchildren to come. I said YES!

A few hours later I was fighting for my life. Something inside him that night snapped. I don’t want to write the details..not today.. But the police stated for the record it was the worst case of assault/abuse they had ever seen. I only lived as I faked being dead, which wasn’t all that hard, after he broke his hand on my face he got the fire poker….. Then after spreading gas across the house, he hung himself. I found the strength to rise, my body broken.. the adrenaline rushing, my nightmare…my life…

His  legs  kicked out as he flailed against the rope on his neck,  I ran past screaming to the kitchen getting a knife. Maybe I should have pulled on his legs, maybe I should have stabbed him, but I cut him down……………We ended up on the floor in a tangle, me clawing to loosen the rope that was choking him. Then I saw his eyes, the same blank black eyes of the creature who had  thought he had killed me, me the woman of his dreams the woman he had kissed and asked to marry him… I got up and ran, bleeding, naked out the front door, down the steps, out on the road to be almost run over by the neighbors.

I can still recall the horrified look in their eyes, the truck brakes screaming as the vehicle fishtailed narrowly missing me. HE grabbed my hair and dragged me back to the house. And I started to beg for my life.

I’m here today, so I made it out alive.  When the police arrived, I was in shock, but he let the police in without a fuss. The ambulance attendant was so kind, the police not so much. I was taken to the hospital only at the insistence of the ambulance staff. There even though I later found I had several broken and fractured bones and still have scars where I should have been stitched. There at the hospital, I was given a once over, then told to stand naked while the cop took photo’s of me. Then I was taken directly to RCMP station and into an interrogation that lasted a hours. The cop was..I was in shock and now dressed in nothing but a back opened hospital gown interrogated, told I could not leave until he was happy with a complete statement from me. After an hour or more, my head clearing a little, both my eyes closing I demanded to be released, that was refused! I was getting hysterical, how could this be real??? What had happened??? I had gone to bed some hours earlier after an amazing wonderful extraordinary day with the love of my life, to be woken by the same man astride my body punching me in the face and now I’m almost naked being interrogated by a fucked in the head cop?  WAKE ME UP!! PLEASE.. please  please

When I was finally driven home, I was met by the forensic guy just finishing up at the scene of the crime… He was kind, made me tea, got some ice for my face. I told him that his cop buddy was just as insane as the man who did this to me, and I fully intended to press charges against both of them. He asked if I would reconsider, the cop had just come from Vancouver, a burn out from seeing things, bad things for too many years. Think about that.. I did, and I didn’t care…. I was almost happy to be furiously mad at this cop as it helped me block out the fact I had come pretty close to being murdered.

The next day they sent a female detective who was nice, covering her stations collective asses. I wrote out my statement. By now they had researched me, and found I wasn’t some junkie or crazy person, just a newbie to their little community. I was a homeowner, a woman who had run corporations, self made and well liked on the island I had just moved from.

They then sent another man from the RCMP, he too was also very kind. He read my statement sitting at my kitchen table with the saddest look in his eyes… My statement about all that occured that night had him on the verge of tears.

A few days later he returned with updates on my case. I wanted to follow through with the charges. I didn’t want revenge, I wanted this man to get the help he needed and to possibly save the next women he, “fell in love with from certain death” The officer again went back to my statement and said, have you talked to anyone?, friends, family anyone??

I was too embarrassed to do that. I had so thought that I had finally met a man of my worth, someone who deserved my trust and love. How could I tell the people who were so happy for me, that I again had chosen another psycho. That I had sold my wonderful home and was now living in this small town, unable to even drive my truck for groceries as I was a black and blue and purple and yellow-green MESS.  The officer was very very nice, he almost begged me to seek counsel, gave me a card of a women who worked with abuse victims, pleaded with me to seek her out.

I was hesitant, the last “professional” I went to help for .. well I laughed and it hurt, guess that Dr. didn’t help much… Here I am again. But this was a women, maybe she wouldn’t ask my bra size or date my ex..  Not so funny.

I eventually went to see her. Only to find she had already read my entire witness statement?? WTH?? Why does this woman have my statement I gave to the police? After a few minutes she looks at me and says; “Are you crazy? Did you not see the warning signs??”

I try to explain that this man and I who had been together for most of the year had never even had a fight before that night. But she does not want to listen to me in the slightest, rambling on and cutting me off. I go silent, I am angry, I am hurt, I am again shocked by the lack of professionalism. THEN, then she starts to tell me all her problems, how she has been seeing this married man for the past two years and…… I got up and told her she needs to seek better help than she is offering and walked out.

The officer called and asked if he could come by later that day. He was concerned.  I met him on the porch, I told him that although I believed he was trying to help, sharing my statement without my consent was a big breach of my trust, and that the woman he thought was doing the community good.. Well she was more screwed up than I. And I highly suggested that he NEVER recommend her to ANYONE!

He was one of the good guys, and we remained friends over the coming years. He then introduced me to the town D.A. Now here was a woman I came to like, smart and savvy, she listened and understood. I actually held no grudge against this man, BUT he needed help and unless I followed through with these charges. She and I also became friends over the next two years.

What I didn’t understand was that he could hold this up so long. Over the next 18 months we went to court 3 times. Each time I had to tell employers, new friends what was going on as they would certainly read it in the local paper. It was hard, embarrassing, but in a town of that size….

Two years later I get my day in court.The officer and two others, my old neighbor, my ex’s boss, the Doctor and ambulance lady all come to court. ((AGAIN)) I am called in to see the prosecutor, only to find this beefy whiskey smelling guy in her office. I ask where the DA is? I am told she was given the day off and he had made a deal with the defense lawyer and my ex would not be on trial, the terms of his charges would be 6 months in anger management.

I came out from the office white-faced. Everyone asking me what was going on, I said nothing as I let myself be led into the courtroom. As I zoned out, thinking about how much I had endured to get here and it was all for nothing. Someone was tapping me on the shoulder, I look up and the courthouse is looking at me.

“Sorry, I missed that” Was all I could say. The Judge looks at me and says; “I read your statement and that of the witnesses, I have seen the pictures, are you OK with this sentence agreement?”

I stood up, my knees weak looked him in the eye and said, “And I actually have a say in this?” To which he looked down and I left the room.

And people wonder why women keep silent.

Would I do it again, the two years of shit, embarrassment and humiliation? The unpaid leave, the social stigma, the court system who originally wanted to label this man as a dangerous offender but let him off with by-monthly group therapy?

I was trying to get him the help that wasn’t given to him 30 years prior, to help him from not killing someone.. Yeah I would do it again. Would I suggest another women come forward…..That I would have to think about long and hard before I would make such a recommendation.

 

Confessions of a Red Sox Fan

ac 2018

After years of watching the Red Sox, I must confess, even I harbored secret doubts. Hell we had to go through not only the New York Yankees, but the Houston Astro’s and then the L A Dodgers I mean…. I watched about 114 games of the sox this year and I’m sorry to admit by September… I had my doubts.

I’m so sorry …. You guys are the best and I love you all!

Boston+Red+Sox+World+Series+Champs+2018

Thank you

PS If I my quote the best manager in the league, Alex Cora;,

” The new york yankees, yeah the sky was falling we lost game two, everbody here was panicking, we scored  16 at Yankee Stadium… go suck on it !  xoxoxoxo

Is this the discussion we should be having?

It’s hopeless if we don’t have the deep discussion about how and why people come to hate. No matter if it’s about cultural groups, religion, races,  gender, political alliances, sexual orientation or what ever brought them to the point of unadulterated hatred; Without our talking to each other openly, we will get nowhere.

We have to stop trying to convince people their way of thinking is askew. We have to be asking at minimum the 5 w’s and then listening without judgement.Maybe we should be talking the ABOUT;

Who in your life influenced your opinions…..

What happened in your life ………

Where was the first time when recall feeling this way…

When did you find that there were people who felt like you/ people who oppose your views….

Why do you feel that your opinion is the only one….

These might not be the exact questions I may ask, but it is food for thought. Might I find a man/child whose Mother was raped and murdered by a person of race .A family provider who was living out of his car for years who hates that his job and life were lost to China. A women, who was raised in a home of anti-semitic men, a father and grandfather who ruled with an iron fist.  Might I talk with a person who blames the family break-down on a sibling who came out of the closet. 

We have to start to talk, talk and listen and not judge.

But maybe when we are listening to their stories, we could ask them, “How does that make you feel?” And then really listen….Maybe then we will begin to understand just what is broken, and possibly we can help start the healing.

Ok no matter how much I believe this may help, I’m listening to Trump on PBS, thinking.. Could I have an open an honest conversation with this man on his views? Do you know what came to my mind….

 

 

This is an open blog, a place to open up an unload, either Loudly, or as silently as you wish…….All emails and comments will only be posted if you express the want to share.

This comment made by the President of the United States bothered me on so many levels, I have decided to open this blog to the public.drump

I was a Silent -Girl, although I have met just as many a Silent-Boy. Victims of rape, assault, abuse and then made victims again when trying to be heard.
I was raped at the age of 15, and in this blog I will explain why I stayed silent.My story is not uncommon, nor is it particularly earth shattering. But it did define me in ways I barely recognised until many years later.
It has been 45 years, and keeping silent has done me no favors, speaking out…? Time will tell if this blog helps you and I find a place to break the silence and maybe change some attitudes.

 

The Journey Begins (9/22/2018) - Thanks for joining me! Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton  
This is an open blog, a place to open up an unload, either Loudly, or as silently as you wish…….All emails and comments will only be posted if you express the want to share. (9/23/2018) - This comment made by the President of the United States bothered me on so many levels, I have decided to open this blog to the public. I was a Silent -Girl, although I have met just as many a Silent-Boy. Victims of rape, assault, abuse and then made victims again when trying to be heard. … Continue reading This is an open blog, a place to open up an unload, either Loudly, or as silently as you wish…….All emails and comments will only be posted if you express the want to share.
Where to start? (9/26/2018) - At 60, I’m not sure if this blog is better served by telling my life stories from front to back or in reverse. I suppose  it truly makes no difference, all is relevant yet all is…just a grain of sand. Today as I watch the media yet again take sides on assault cases, it brings … Continue reading Where to start?
See no evil………….. (9/26/2018) - My partner and I have been discussing this of late. The culture of not believing the victim and/or making excuses for the accused. I find it so unfathomable, as I can honestly say that I know very few women who at some point in their life have not been brutalized in some way or another. … Continue reading See no evil…………..
Nothing’s going to hurt you baby (9/26/2018) - Nothing’s going to hurt you baby A fairy tale we tell our daughters and pray that they never endure the pains of their gender, the horrific tales whispered about family members, aunts, cousins, siblings, best friends……….their Mother, Grandmother, Great-Grandmother…………… I’ve taken a step back for a few days as I analyse not only my own … Continue reading Nothing’s going to hurt you baby
Thank-you, I appreciate those who took the time to write. (At least now I know this site is active!) (10/3/2018) - I will always hold your confidence and never “leak”; (I’m old but not that old, no depends needed as yet..LOL) October 3rd 2018 So much has happened over the past few years. My life has changed dramatically but so has the world. I find myself discussing the media and the peoples of the US more … Continue reading Thank-you, I appreciate those who took the time to write. (At least now I know this site is active!)
Why America isn’t great anymore (10/5/2018) - I truly feel this is one of the best pieces ever written,and no it wasn’t by a politician, just a man with a job. His name is; Aaron Benjamin Sorkin (born June 9, 1961)[1]is an American screenwriter, director, producer, and playwright. His works include the Broadway plays A Few Good Men and The Farnsworth Invention; the television series Sports Night, The … Continue reading Why America isn’t great anymore
Time to do a little research and a lot of reading! (10/8/2018) - “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.” That was Margaret Mead’s conclusion after a lifetime of observing very diverse cultures around the world. Her insight has been borne out time and again throughout the development of this country of ours. … Continue reading Time to do a little research and a lot of reading!
Ask me how I really feel! (10/9/2018) - “Disgusted but not surprised.” The fact that the Senate Judiciary would back this half-hearted and extremely limited FBI investigation, just proves that Kavanaugh would have been elected under any circumstances. noun  INVESTIGATION the action of investigating something or someone; formal or systematic examination or research. “He is under investigation for attempted assault.” What we should have seen from one … Continue reading Ask me how I really feel!
“You need help” (10/10/2018) - I was born in 1958, therapy was part of our culture. But I never sought out help until I was 30, I was raised to deal with my own shit no matter what, you never share! I went at 30 years old to meet with my first professional psychiatrist. Trust me, I could have used … Continue reading “You need help”

How can we just accept ignorance as an excuse?

plato1-2xThere have been many times in my life when I have made excuses for people’s words and behaviour as I know them to be ignorant of the facts.    

With the elections coming up it made me look up Socrates. He was worried about the problems posed by an uneducated and easily lead population having power over the state. I too have that worry, but did Socrates ever have to worry about the persons running for political office were as or more ignorant than the voting base?

We have watched inept and greedy politicians shape our countries for many years. I have seen nothing that disturbs me more than this President spouting lies and total unsubstantiated fallacies to adoring, cheering crowds.

I have tried very hard to try to understand why they believe this man is “Just like us”. But for the life of me I just don’t get it! I could quote, (fact checked) and show interviews from this man who lies about almost any given fact. And when called out by the press to confirm his own statements and meanings will only reply by calling the media unfair liars. 

I am so confused as to why people in this day and age can not be bothered to educate themselves.  

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Stop the Hate! Spoken like a true fatalist!.

I have to admit, there have been times when I thought the ludicrosity of racism, misogyny, bigotry and narrow-mindedness were slowly but surely being eradicated. I was so very wrong, but heck I’m a Canadian….What do I know!

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It makes me ill, truly sick to my stomach, that this horrid view on the world’s peoples still exist in the year 2018.  I recall growing up in a small rural Canadian town in Ontario and listening to boys vent their rage against, blacks, spics & gays while they hit their girlfriends and called girls they couldn’t get, “Sluts, whores, ditch pigs.”

Even at that young age, I was confused by their anger… I knew for a fact, they had never met a black person, encountered a gay and had never left the 20 miles of home to even know how to identify a “Spic”. So where did that hatred come from?

A man I have known half my life told me about his youth and going down to the city and finding “Queers” to beat up. As an 80 year old, he lives with that till this day, and tries to make up for his actions… But is it enough???

Why, what is it that makes so MANY people hate those who are not exactly the same as them? How can a person say they believe in God and his teachings and hate someone who believes in God but is of a different faith? shaun-the-sheep

Just saying………………………………………………………………..

We are a hostile and aggressive species. I can’t recall who said that, but we are, and for no good reason I can think of other than nurture.

Agustín Fuentes Ph.D.

Busting Myths About Human Nature

At the recent American Association of Physical Anthropologists meetings in Portland, I sat through an interesting talk about lethal aggression in chimpanzees. The presenter, Michael Wilson from the University of Minnesota, did a good job of laying out a substantial overview of all the data we have on chimpanzee lethal aggression. Bottom line: chimps can be pretty violent, especially males. But exactly why they are violent is not fully understood. Importantly, if one removes the largest and most violent population from the dataset, then no single explanatory pattern emerges. Of course, this fuzzy and interesting conclusion is not what is making the rounds in the twitterverse.

Rather, folks are saying that this is just further evidence that chimpanzees, and their closest relatives (humans), are aggressive by nature. If this is true then domestic abusebullying, and warfare are pretty much to be expected: it is just the way we are.

Or not. Let’s get our myth busting caps on and think about this; what does it mean to be aggressive by nature? Even more the point, what is aggression and where does it come from?

If humans have evolved as aggressors, if using violence is a core part of our nature, then aggression needs to be a thing (a trait) that can be targeted and shaped by evolutionary processes. There also needs to be evidence that humans (and our primate relatives) regularly rely on aggression, over other types of behavior, to achieve mating and other social successes.

Ok, so what do we know?

Aggression is not a single trait, or an easily described behavioral system. It is not a thing that has evolved as a package, but rather it is a suite of behaviors that has a dynamic and complicated range of expression. Anthropologists, biologists and psychologists note different behaviors and patterns of “aggression” when defending yourself versus when planning an attack, from mothers defending their infants, from predators chasing prey, in fear-induced aggression, in sex-related aggression, and in territorial aggression.

In humans there are no consistent patterns of aggressive behaviors that make men have more luck with women or succeed over other men for status, even though sometimes aggression does play a role. Even when fighting, many of the most effective professionals (such as in boxing and ultimate fighting) are good because of their ability to strategically constrain their aggression.

Ok, but what if aggression is itself a physiological system (part of our body) that has been favored over evolutionary time?

It’s not. Unlike a femur (the long bone in your upper leg) there is no single thing or pattern that we can measure and label as “aggression.”  While we know that certain parts of the brain (the prefrontal cortex, the amygdala, the hypothalamus) interact with certain neurotransmitters (serotonin, Monoamine oxidase A (MAOA)) and a range of steroid hormones (like testosterone and other androgens) work together to produce aggressive behavior, we also see that there is no specific physiological or neurological system designed for aggression.  Everything involved in the expression of aggression is tied to other systems and its use in behavior is highly contextual.

For example, take Monoamine oxidase A (called the “the warrior gene”). One version of this gene is associated with hyper aggression in males (it is little studied in females). However, expression of this gene is related to childhood stressors and life experience. We see that a slightly larger percentage of men with the “aggressive” version of this gene (compared to those without it), who live through real childhood trauma and social stressare highly violent and have trouble controlling their behavior as adults. But many of those with the “warrior” version of the gene don’t have these problems at all (me, for example). These same kinds of complexities are true for serotonin, testosterone, and the other hormones and neurotransmitters associated with aggression.

shaun-the-sheep

A little less conversation, a little more action….. Taking on a new meaning today

A little less conversation

SURVIVOR

No one wants that label. No one ever thinks that they will ever be traumatized in such a way as to have word linked forever to them, like a brand on your forehead when people look at you. You ask yourself. “Is it me reading too much into that look I just got, that sad sympathetic look, or the eye rolling look that makes me feel like no matter what I say from here on out.. YOU WILL ONLY THINK OF ME AS A SURVIVOR.. Damn that makes me so MAD!

Traumatized, stigmatized, labeled….Where did my sense of me go??  Why does just telling my story make you cringe away from me? I haven’t told it often, my life story, my life has made me who I am, good, bad, happy, sad, stronger, afraid. I am no different from most of you, except…..   I broke the silence…..

Now I’m thinking

A little less conversation and ALOT more action!